managing conflict, even when it can't be managed

Romans 14:1-13

Welcome those who are weak in faith, but not for the purpose of quarreling over opinions. ²Some believe in eating anything, while the weak eat only vegetables. ³Those who eat must not despise those who abstain, and those who abstain must not pass judgment on those who eat; for God has welcomed them. ⁴Who are you to pass judgment on servants of another? It is before their own lord that they stand or fall. And they will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make them stand.

⁵Some judge one day to be better than another, while others judge all days to be alike. Let all be fully convinced in their own minds. ⁶Those who observe the day, observe it in honor of the Lord. Also those who eat, eat in honor of the Lord, since they give thanks to God; while those who abstain, abstain in honor of the Lord and give thanks to God.

⁷We do not live to ourselves, and we do not die to ourselves. ⁸If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. ⁹For to this end Christ died and lived again, so that he might be Lord of both the dead and the living.

¹⁰Why do you pass judgment on your brother or sister? Or you, why do you despise your brother or sister? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God. ¹¹For it is written, “As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall give praise to God.” ¹²So then, each of us will be accountable to God. ¹³Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another.

Acts 15:35-41

³⁵But Paul and Barnabas remained in Antioch, and there, with many others, they taught and proclaimed the word of the Lord. ³⁶After some days Paul said to Barnabas, “Come, let us return and visit the believers in every city where we proclaimed the word of the Lord and see how they are doing.” ³⁷Barnabas wanted to take with them John called Mark. ³⁸But Paul decided not to take with them one who had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not accompanied them in the work. ³⁹The disagreement became so sharp that they parted company; Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed away to Cyprus. ⁴⁰But Paul chose Silas and set out, the believers commending him to the grace of the Lord. ⁴¹He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches.

----------------------------------------

            This is a sad story from Acts. Paul and Barnabas had been working and travelling together for years. Barnabas was one of the first leaders in the church to trust Paul after his conversion, and he paved the way for him to be accepted by the others. They’ve been to Jerusalem to make the case for gentile freedom in Christ. They’ve evangelized in Antioch and throughout the Mediterranean world. They have been through a lot together.

            But now they’re arguing about whom to take with them on their journey, and that argument sends them off in different directions. Just hearing the passage, you know almost as much as I do about the conflict, because the Bible doesn’t say much more. All we really know is that these two friends argued, and that argument led them to go their separate ways. We don’t hear much more about Barnabas, but in later letters Paul mentions both Barnabas and John Mark favorably, so this conflict doesn’t destroy their love for each other.

             This passage is important because conflict happens. It happens in the church, even with mature, faithful leaders. Conflict is part of life and part of any important thing we do, especially when change is involved. It is OK to disagree about things. It’s OK to have different opinions in the church; that actually makes us stronger, as long as we can disagree with love and honesty.

Conflict is challenging because we believe what we believe because we think it’s true. That usually means if someone believes something different, our first instinct is to think they are wrong. If the issue we disagree about is important, it’s easy to worry that going the wrong way will seriously damage the church. As the conflict continues, it’s easy to think of the person we disagree with mostly in terms of our conflict, so that they become an opponent instead of a person. When we think about a conflict that way a basic conflict about an issue becomes a personal conflict that can easily get out of control with very destructive consequences for the community.

            On the other hand, if we approach conflict with humility, love and respect, we can learn from each other. A big part of working through conflict is remembering that the person we are having a conflict with is a person like we are. We are each more than whatever the idea is that we disagree about. Regardless of what we disagree about, we agree on a lot and we share our common humanity. We each have feelings and hopes and fears.

A big part of working through a conflict is being able to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. We can discuss an issue productively if we can understand why the other person thinks what they think. Most of the time when we approach it with that mindset, we can work the conflict out. Often we won’t change our minds, but we can understand each other and put the conflict in the context of our wider sharing, so the community can move on.

Another important part of resolving conflict is trusting God and remembering that our salvation and faithfulness do not depend on what we think or decide about any question or controversy. We are saved by God’s grace, and our identity is given to us as children of God. No conflict in the church can take that away from us, so we don’t need to be afraid of losing our faith because we disagree.

My hope for this church is that we can be a community that welcomes diverse beliefs and opinions. I want everyone to be comfortable sharing their opinions knowing that others might not agree, but will still accept, respect and love them regardless.

I want to be open about what I believe and I want you to be open as well. It’s OK if we believe different things. I will respect your beliefs and listen when you express them. I need to trust that you will tell me if anything I’m doing makes you feel uncomfortable or like your beliefs are being threatened. The only conflicts we can’t address are the ones we hide, and we all have a role to play in making this a safe place for faith to grow.

            That’s all pretty theoretical, so let’s bring that back to earth by talking through an example. We’ll start with a really simple conflict as a warm up. Let’s imagine we want to change the carpet in the sanctuary. One person suggests replacing the carpet with a new red carpet like the one we have; another person argues that it would be better to take the carpet out entirely and leave the wood floor instead.

            What are some reasons new carpet might be a great idea?

            OK, what are some reasons to go with wood instead?

            What other perspectives might people have on this question?

            What other factors might play a role in this discussion beneath the surface?

Do you see any ways this conflict could become destructive to the community?

            How would you manage that as a member of the community who wants to keep the congregation healthy?

            What would be some signs the congregation had resolved the conflict successfully?

What would be some signs the conflict hadn’t really been resolved 5 years later?

            Any other thoughts?

            OK, let’s take a look at a harder conflict in the church: the debate over homosexuality. Let me start by saying this is a sermon about conflict with sexuality as an example. It’s not a sermon about homosexuality; maybe we’ll do that another week.

This is a conversation that has been challenging for congregations and the denomination as a whole. It’s especially challenging because opinions often divide along some of the same lines as many other conflicts in our nation’s “culture wars.” Many of our disagreements in the church and in society are seen as liberal versus conservative, which makes it easier to see each other as enemies and harder to see each other as brothers and sisters.

            In the wider society most of the debate focuses on marriage equality. In the church there have been two main issues for debate. The first is whether the church will ordain lesbians, gay men and transgendered people as elders, deacons and pastors. The other main area of conflict is around whether the denomination will allow same sex marriage. Right now we do ordain LGBT people and we do not permit same sex marriage.

            We’re not going to resolve this conflict today, but we are going to talk through it as an example of significant conflict. So, in a spirit of love, what are some reasons why the church should ordain LGBT folks?

            What are some reasons the church should not?

            What are some reasons the church should allow same sex marriage?

            What are some reasons the church should not allow same sex marriage?

            What might make these questions especially threatening for people who oppose same sex marriage?

            What makes these questions threatening for people who support same sex marriage?

            How would you feel about this debate if you were gay?

            What might keep you from putting yourself in the other “side’s” shoes?

            What else is involved in this conflict?

            What could make this conflict destructive for a church or denomination?

            How could this conflict help the church grow and model Christ’s love to the world?

            Great work. As you see, if we talk through something like that it helps us put ourself in the other person’s shoes and understand why they believe something different from what we believe. I’m not going to ask you what you think is the right decision for the church or how we should approach it. We can talk about that another time. Our focus today is how the church handles conflict, both how we usually do handle conflict and how we should handle conflict.

            In our denomination right now many Presbyterian churches feel like the denomination is drifting to the left theologically and politically. Some conservative churches and pastors feel like their conscience is calling them to leave the denomination for one of our more conservative cousins, usually the Evangelical Presbyterian Church. One of the churches in our presbytery left the denomination two months ago.

            The story in the Bible these leaders usually point to is the story of Paul and Barnabas. I was talking about this with another pastor at the interim ministry training seminar I went to in March. He described himself as a “Paul and Barnabas guy.” He meant that he thinks the time has come for many people like him to go their own way. That means leaving the fight behind and moving on with ministry in the way he thinks is best while leaving the PCUSA to do ministry how we think is best.

            I agree. I think at the level of the congregation we can have productive discussions about sexuality and we can figure out how to work together even when we disagree. But at the level of the denomination we have been fighting about this so long that it’s hard to imagine real progress.

            The fight about sexuality isn’t getting us anywhere. When we can’t work together, we should go our own way with love and prayer for each other. There are times when trying to hold different view points together will not work, when we can’t go the same place.

That’s OK. Paul and Barnabas went their own ways and both continued to be effective evangelists for Jesus. I think if churches that feel like they need to leave the denomination leave, they will do more effective ministry than if they stay. They will be able to tell people clearly that their denomination doesn’t support homosexuality, rather than making apology for the denomination’s more liberal stance. And the PCUSA will do more effective ministry if we let people go when they want to. We will be freed from the distraction of a conflict that has consumed a ton of energy while the church has withered. And we’ll be able to truly welcome all people without having to say, “We welcome you, but we won’t marry you.” We will each do better outreach to new people, and the church will grow.

I firmly believe that’s the right thing for the church to do. It’s also sad. I have friends who will not stay in the denomination, and that means I won’t see them as often. This presbytery and the church as a whole will lose many churches, which means we will have to consolidate and change how we function to work better as a smaller denomination. But God will be with both groups, and we will all do better if we follow our calling.

I have no idea who was right in the conflict between Paul and Barnabas; at this point it doesn’t matter. At that moment they could not move forward together, so they moved forward faithfully in separate directions. Most of the time we can work our conflicts out with love and honesty, but sometimes we need to go different ways. Wherever we go, whatever we decide, God is with us as we follow. Our job is to be faithful and loving in conflict and agreement. If we do that, God will work through us no matter what.

Thanks be to God.

Everyone is welcome: making the belief a reality, 7.14.13

Acts 15:1-21

Then certain individuals came down from Judea and were teaching the brothers, ‘Unless you are circumcised according to the custom of Moses, you cannot be saved.’ ²And after Paul and Barnabas had no small dissension and debate with them, Paul and Barnabas and some of the others were appointed to go up to Jerusalem to discuss this question with the apostles and the elders. ³So they were sent on their way by the church, and as they passed through both Phoenicia and Samaria, they reported the conversion of the Gentiles, and brought great joy to all the believers. ⁴When they came to Jerusalem, they were welcomed by the church and the apostles and the elders, and they reported all that God had done with them. ⁵But some believers who belonged to the sect of the Pharisees stood up and said, ‘It is necessary for them to be circumcised and ordered to keep the law of Moses.’

6 The apostles and the elders met together to consider this matter. ⁷After there had been much debate, Peter stood up and said to them, ‘My brothers, you know that in the early days God made a choice among you, that I should be the one through whom the Gentiles would hear the message of the good news and become believers. ⁸And God, who knows the human heart, testified to them by giving them the Holy Spirit, just as he did to us; ⁹and in cleansing their hearts by faith he has made no distinction between them and us. ¹⁰Now therefore why are you putting God to the test by placing on the neck of the disciples a yoke that neither our ancestors nor we have been able to bear? ¹¹On the contrary, we believe that we will be saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus, just as they will.’

12 The whole assembly kept silence, and listened to Barnabas and Paul as they told of all the signs and wonders that God had done through them among the Gentiles. ¹³After they finished speaking, James replied, ‘My brothers, listen to me. ¹⁴Simeon has related how God first looked favourably on the Gentiles, to take from among them a people for his name. ¹⁵This agrees with the words of the prophets, as it is written,
¹⁶ “After this I will return, and I will rebuild the dwelling of David, which has fallen; from its ruins I will rebuild it, and I will set it up, ¹⁷ so that all other peoples may seek the Lord—even all the Gentiles over whom my name has been called. Thus says the Lord, who has been making these things ¹⁸known from long ago.”

¹⁹Therefore I have reached the decision that we should not trouble those Gentiles who are turning to God, ²⁰but we should write to them to abstain only from things polluted by idols and from fornication and from whatever has been strangled and from blood. ²¹For in every city, for generations past, Moses has had those who proclaim him, for he has been read aloud every sabbath in the synagogues.’

Galatians 2:11-16

¹¹But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face, because he stood self-condemned; ¹²for until certain people came from James, he used to eat with the Gentiles. But after they came, he drew back and kept himself separate for fear of the circumcision faction. ¹³And the other Jews joined him in this hypocrisy, so that even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy.

¹⁴But when I saw that they were not acting consistently with the truth of the gospel, I said to Cephas before them all, “If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you compel the Gentiles to live like Jews?” ¹⁵We ourselves are Jews by birth and not Gentile sinners; ¹⁶yet we know that a person is justified not by the works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ. And we have come to believe in Christ Jesus, so that we might be justified by faith in Christ, and not by doing the works of the law, because no one will be justified by the works of the law.

------------------------------------------------------------

            The early church was an amazingly dynamic community. New people were coming to faith all the time and becoming a part of a community where sharing and love were a way of life. At the same time, there were disagreements, and the church was still learning what it was. We read a few weeks ago about how the Holy Spirit led Peter to Cornelius and his family to preach the good news about Jesus.

            As soon as the believers in Jerusalem heard about Peter eating with gentiles, they started to criticize him. But when he told the story of God’s Spirit clearly leading the way and of how God gave the Spirit to those gentiles before Peter had even finished speaking, they could see that God was reaching out to gentiles as well, and they praised God.

            That didn’t end the discussion, though. While the church leaders accepted that gentiles could come to faith in Jesus, some people believed that gentile believers had to be circumcised and follow the Law of Moses.

            That seems strange now since neither one of those things has been part of our experience as Christians. But at this point in the church’s life, Christianity was still a movement within Judaism. The church had its own leaders, but they hadn’t left the synagogue or temple. They were still Jewish, even though most Jewish leaders thought they were heretics.

            The Old Testament was the only Bible these Christians had, and when the Old Testament talks about circumcision, it is clear and non-negotiable. Israel is ordered to circumcise their sons on the eighth day after birth as a mark of their covenant with God; those who weren’t circumcised, were excluded from that covenant. Circumcision and law were the signs of the relationship with God. Without being circumcised and following the law, one was not part of the Jewish community of faith, so it makes sense that these Jewish disciples of Jesus insisted on new believers following the rules of Judaism, their community of faith.

            But Peter, Paul and Barnabas had seen that God was doing something new. It wasn’t just about bringing a few gentiles into Judaism; in Jesus God was making a new way for people to be in covenant with God. This new covenant was based only on God’s grace through Jesus Christ. These evangelists who had worked with gentile believers knew that God was calling them to follow Christ, not to follow the law of Moses.

            The church is wrestling with what it means to be part of the faith community. In this conference, the church decides that membership in the church is going to be based only on following Jesus and following a few ideas from the Law. It sounds like strange and silly detail, but the short list of rules James mentions: no sexual immorality, no animals that have been sacrificed to idols or strangled, and no blood, keeps enough of the tradition of Judaism so as not to offend, while not restricting the gentile believers unreasonably.

Even after the council, the question of how gentiles will be included in the community isn’t entirely settled. There continued to be people who taught that circumcision was required. The whole Letter to the Galatians is Paul’s response to this faction within the church.

In our case we’re just reading a small section of that letter. In that passage we see a different side of Peter than we do in the passage from Acts. In Acts Peter advocates for fully including gentiles without making them follow the Law or be circumcised. We know he risked the disapproval of his friends when he stayed with Cornelius. He wants everyone to have a place in the church.

But then Paul talks about rebuking Peter because when Peter visited the church in Antioch he started out sharing the table with gentile believers, but then pulled away from that fellowship when he felt pressure from other leaders. How do we put those two pictures together?

It seems like Peter believed in including gentiles in the church in principle, but wasn’t a hundred percent committed to deep community with them. He knew that they were equal in God’s sight, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to think of them as brothers and sisters. He wasn’t sure he wanted to get close to them. After all, they came from a different background; they had different traditions and food and habits. And Peter didn’t want to endanger his friendship with the Jewish Christians at the center of the church in Jerusalem.

In a way, Peter is acting out separate but equal. It’s fine to have gentiles in the church, but he isn’t interested in being their best friend. Paul says that’s not enough. In Christ, we are all one body. It doesn’t matter where we come from, how much money we make, what we like or don’t like. Our standing in the community doesn’t have anything to do with what we do for a living or how much we give or what kind of clothes we wear. It doesn’t matter what faith we followed before we came to Christ. All that matters is Christ. Christ’s grace is the only thing that saves us and it is the only thing that brings us into the community of faith.

That’s still a challenge in our congregation and in others. Church is part of our social life, but it’s also more than that. When we come to church we naturally have people we feel closest to, people who are close friends. And many of us have been in this congregation for years, so those church friendships have been part of our lives for decades.

That’s great. Part of the fun of coming to church is the joy of seeing people we already know and care about. It’s awesome when people we know from church become friends we see outside of church too. Some people we click with almost automatically, often because we have interests and experiences in common, and it’s fun to share those things together.

But the church is called to becoming the body of Christ. That means breaking down barriers. It means actively seeking out people we don’t know in the community and getting to know them. Not just getting to know their name, but listening to their story, sharing their experiences. It means getting outside our comfort zone every week to make new friends.

It’s hard because relationships can be awkward. Even simple things like knowing someone’s name. If you’ve seen someone in worship a few times and maybe you introduced yourself three weeks ago, you feel like you should remember their name, but you just don’t. So that feels embarrassing and it makes it hard to get to know someone better.

That might be the hardest thing about coming to a new church as a visitor or member too. If you’ve been coming to Laurelton for 5 years you already know everyone’s name who has been here a while so all you have to do when a new person appears is learn their name. That new member has to learn everyone’s name, and that’s hard to do. It can be hard for long term members to get to know new people too, partly because we already have people we want to visit with. That can be a beautiful thing, but it can also keep our community from integrating new people.

The challenge for the church is to be a community where deep relationships flourish, where we can share our true selves with one another and trust each other with personal things. At the same time we are called to be an open community where people are welcomed right in and made to feel at home regardless of where they come from or what struggles they face. Those two things don’t go together very often. Usually our relationships are either open, accessible and superficial or closed, exclusive and deep.

How do we do both at the same time? It starts with practice. It starts with looking for chances to get to know new people and really listening to each other. There are some conversations we need to have in private with particular people we trust, but in general I’d like us to actively work on including people as much as possible in our conversations and in our lives.

So today at coffee hour I encourage you to seek out someone you don’t know well. Even if you know the other person’s name and think they know yours, start by introducing yourselves so there’s no awkwardness if someone has forgotten. Listen to each other’s stories; get to know each other’s interests; find out what brought them to this church, what they like, what they don’t like.

We’re a small church. That comes with some challenges, for sure. Probably it would be easier to pay the bills if we were larger, for instance. But the cool thing about being small is that we have a great chance to get to know each other pretty well. Make it your goal to know everyone’s name by the end of August. If there’s someone in worship whose name you don’t know, find them after worship and introduce yourself.

I’d love it if we had enough new people visit during the summer to make it a challenge to learn everyone’s name. One thing we do every week in supper and scripture is start with introductions. Some weeks it feels silly because everyone there is a regular who already knows everyone, but the practice never hurts. So we’re going to try that today. We’re going to start with Alan and just go around the room. You can stand up or not, but say your name loudly and slowly. And pause after the person next to you so people have a second to absorb. As you listen, try to pay close attention. We’re not going to have a quiz, but community is better when we really know each other, and learning names is a start.

Paul writes a little later in Galatians: “As many of you as were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus.” That’s a deep sense of unity, a vision of barriers broken down.

We say and believe those words. We believe that everyone is welcome in the church, but for that to really mean something, for the grace of community to really transform our lives and our community, that welcome has to take shape in everyday, practical relationships. We have to welcome new people in conversation, to share our lives with each other in ever deeper ways. It starts with a simple introduction and an open ear, and leads in slow, mysterious ways to God’s kingdom.

Thanks be to God.

telling the truth, 5.12.13

Colossians 3:12-17

¹²As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. ¹³Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. ¹⁴Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

¹⁵And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. ¹⁶Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. ¹⁷And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

----------------------------------

Before we dig into our second reading let’s review King David’s story. Starting from the beginning, what are some important events in King David’s life?

-Goliath

-Rise to power

-conflict with Saul

-becomes king

-Bathsheba

-Amnon and Tamar

-Absalom and Amnon

-Absalom’s exile and return

The text never tells us why, but soon after his return to Jerusalem Absalom started thinking a lot about his own power. It started small, but certainly not harmlessly. Absalom recruited an entourage to show he was important. Then he started spending time at the city gate, which is where the elders of the city and other people went to talk about important things. In many ways that was the court in those days. People went to the gate to settle contracts and to seek justice when they were having trouble.

Absalom didn’t go to the city gates to help his father or to find out how things were going. Instead, when someone came to Jerusalem with a problem Absalom would tell them that their complaint was right, but that there wasn’t anyone in David’s administration who would listen to it. Then he would go on to say how much he wanted to help people get justice. Little by little, Absalom built up a following, all the while keeping the problems from ever making their way to David’s ears.

Finally, when he felt he had enough people following him, he went to Hebron, where David had first been crowned, and had himself declared king. Surprisingly, David panicked and abandoned Jerusalem with his leaders. Many others followed him as well.

Absalom took over the city of Jerusalem and plotted his next move. Meanwhile, David and his followers mourned and worried. Then they got ready for the battle. David was not going to give up the throne, so they needed to fight. David split his forces into three groups, each led by trusted leaders. Joab, David’s chief general led one group. David’s commanders convinced David not to go into battle himself and he sent them out begging them to be kind to Absalom.

Of course, battle is a hard place to be kind. I’m not a parent, but the biggest flaw David has shown so far in his parenting is not stepping in when his kids are doing the wrong thing. He didn’t do anything when Amnon raped Tamar, so Absalom felt like he had to be the one to execute justice. Then, as Absalom was building his power base, David ignored that problem too. At this point in the story, I think it’s too late to be kind.

Joab thinks so too. Joab is a favorite character of mine in the story of King David. He is fiercely loyal to King David. He is a brilliant strategist and ruthless realist. He is also ruthless about looking after his own interests. At two other points in the story David tries to appoint another commander in chief of the army and both times Joab kills them. I’m not going to hold Joab up as a moral example in any way, but he is loyal to David.

In this case, even though he has heard the King’s command to be gentle with Absalom, Joab does what he think needs to be done. One of his men discovers Absalom hanging from a tree by his hair. Joab and his closest followers kill him and bury him in a pile of rocks. Then Joab blows the trumpet to signal that the battle is over and sends a runner to bring the good news to King David.

The runner announces to David that the battle is won, but all David wants to know is whether Absalom is safe. The messenger says, “May the Lord grant that all the enemies of my lord the king be like that young man.” David leaves the command post to go to his room weeping for the life of his son. That’s where our story for today picks up:

1 Kings 19:1-8

It was told Joab, “The king is weeping and mourning for Absalom.” ²So the victory that day was turned into mourning for all the troops; for the troops heard that day, “The king is grieving for his son.” ³The troops stole into the city that day as soldiers steal in who are ashamed when they flee in battle. ⁴The king covered his face, and the king cried with a loud voice, “O my son Absalom, O Absalom, my son, my son!”

⁵Then Joab came into the house to the king, and said, “Today you have covered with shame the faces of all your officers who have saved your life today, and the lives of your sons and your daughters, and the lives of your wives and your concubines, ⁶for love of those who hate you and for hatred of those who love you. You have made it clear today that commanders and officers are nothing to you; for I perceive that if Absalom were alive and all of us were dead today, then you would be pleased.

⁷So go out at once and speak kindly to your servants; for I swear by the Lord, if you do not go, not a man will stay with you this night; and this will be worse for you than any disaster that has come upon you from your youth until now.” ⁸Then the king got up and took his seat in the gate. The troops were all told, “See, the king is sitting in the gate”; and all the troops came before the king. Meanwhile, all the Israelites had fled to their homes.

----------------------------------------

            I think we can identify with David’s grief. Too many parents know the pain of a child’s death. It’s hard to imagine what it would be like if that child died in battle against the parent. David has lost his son. In the terrible tension of waiting for the battle to be over he must have thought about the possibilities. He must have tortured himself with the should haves and would haves, with reexamining his actions and imagining what he could have done differently to avoid the horrible situation he’s in now.

            David was a great battle commander himself, so the logical part of his mind knows that this can really only end two ways. His troops can lose the battle and Absalom will be king or his troops can win and Absalom will probably die. He knows that, but in his heart he still holds out hope that everything can miraculously turn out right. Maybe somehow he can win without Absalom dying. Maybe somehow he and his son can be reconciled and their mistakes won’t have to be the end of their story together.

            Kings are human, and they feel grief like anyone else. But kings and other leaders often have to put their feelings aside. One of the hardest thing about power is that when it is used right it is much more obligation than privilege. David’s first duty here is to his soldiers and followers, to those who have stayed loyal to him in the hardship of rebellion and flight. David is usually a natural leader with an instinct for doing the right thing. In this case, his grief and guilt make him forget his duty. All he can think about is his dead son.

            So now David’s soldiers who have stood by him feel abandoned. Instead of celebrating and giving thanks for a hard victory, they sneak back home ashamed. They have done everything right; they’ve stood by their king when it would have been easier to stay home, but when they see their king’s grief all they can do is feel bad about what they have done.

            There aren’t many men who would dare to approach David in his grief. It’s easier to give him the space he so obviously wants. But Joab is a loyal commander and friend. He sees the danger in David’s situation and he goes to save him. Joab knows that the rebellion, the flight and the battle have been hard for the army as well as for David. He knows that they need praise and encouragement, that the men need to be reassured that their courage and sacrifice and suffering has not been for nothing. They need their king’s gratitude and support. The king has to put the duties of command, the duties of royalty ahead of his personal grief.

            So Joab goes and he tells David the truth. He knows David doesn’t want to hear it. He knows David wants to be alone to wallow in his grief, but Joab knows what he needs to do. David needs to know the truth so he can live up to his calling even when he doesn’t want to. That’s what true friends do; they tell us the truth even when they don’t want to and even when they know we don’t want to hear it. They tell us the truth and they keep loving us.

            Deep, faithful, challenging relationships are at the heart of what it means to be a church. Faith in Christ starts with knowing that we are sinners and we need to change our lives. It starts with knowing we can’t do it on our own, that we need Jesus to save us from our selfish ways.

            Once we start the path of discipleship we still need help. We need a community to support us and build us up when we’re having a hard time. We also need the honest, loving accountability of people who care about us too much to watch us take the wrong path. To be the best disciples we can be, we need a community with the kind of hard, loving honesty that Joab gives David.

            That’s what Paul means when he writes: “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish each other in all wisdom…” Admonish each other. That means tell your brother when he’s doing the wrong thing. Warn your sister when she’s heading down the wrong path. Don’t just pray for your friend from a distance, let them know that you’re worried about the choices they are making.

            Our culture is weak on relationships. Most of our relationships are very surface level and we have all but lost the art of constructive criticism. We’re great at blasting people from a distance. We excel at sarcastic digs behind people’s backs. We’re skilled at saying we’re fine or telling a coworker their work is good while silently steaming because we will have to redo it.

Ruth and Naomi: Courage and faithfulness, 2.3.13

Ruth 1:1-11, 14-21

In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land, and a certain man of Bethlehem in Judah went to live in the country of Moab, he and his wife and two sons. ²The name of the man was Elimelech and the name of his wife Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Chilion; they were Ephrathites from Bethlehem in Judah. They went into the country of Moab and remained there. ³But Elimelech, the husband of Naomi, died, and she was left with her two sons. ⁴These took Moabite wives; the name of the one was Orpah and the name of the other Ruth. When they had lived there about ten years, ⁵both Mahlon and Chilion also died, so that the woman was left without her two sons and her husband.

⁶Then she started to return with her daughters-in-law from the country of Moab, for she had heard in the country of Moab that the Lord had considered his people and given them food. ⁷So she set out from the place where she had been living, she and her two daughters-in-law, and they went on their way to go back to the land of Judah. ⁸But Naomi said to her two daughters-in-law, “Go back each of you to your mother’s house. May the Lord deal kindly with you, as you have dealt with the dead and with me. ⁹The Lord grant that you may find security, each of you in the house of your husband.” Then she kissed them, and they wept aloud.

¹⁰They said to her, “No, we will return with you to your people.” ¹¹But Naomi said, “Turn back, my daughters, why will you go with me? Do I still have sons in my womb that they may become your husbands?...  ¹⁴Then they wept aloud again. Orpah kissed her mother-in-law, but Ruth clung to her.

¹⁵So she said, “See, your sister-in-law has gone back to her people and to her gods; return after your sister-in-law.” ¹⁶But Ruth said, “Do not press me to leave you or to turn back from following you! Where you go, I will go; Where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God. ¹⁷Where you die, I will die— there will I be buried. May the Lord do thus and so to me, and more as well, if even death parts me from you!” ¹⁸When Naomi saw that she was determined to go with her, she said no more to her.

¹⁹So the two of them went on until they came to Bethlehem. When they came to Bethlehem, the whole town was stirred because of them; and the women said, “Is this Naomi?” ²⁰She said to them, “Call me no longer Naomi, call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt bitterly with me.

-----------

This is a strange story for scout Sunday, but it is a story about welcome and we’re glad to welcome you here. Thanks to the Girl Scouts for your beautiful music. And thanks to our Cub Scouts for collecting our food offering in a few minutes. This church is better because of what you do here and in the community every week.

            In some ways Ruth and Naomi’s story is hard to understand. The customs and places seem very far from our lives. At its root, though, this story is as relevant as the news, especially as our country discusses and debates immigration policy and social programs that support those in need. Naomi and her family immigrate to Moab when a famine threatened their survival. Later Ruth follows her mother in law back to Naomi’s land, where she is an immigrant herself. She left her home and relatives behind to support her mother in law, and they make a life together.

            Women who aren’t married, whether single or widowed like Ruth and Naomi, are still more likely to live in poverty than men or married couples. In those days it was even harder for women to survive on their own. That’s one of the reasons the Bible talks about widows so often; they were one of the most vulnerable groups in ancient times and because of that, they were (and are) especially close to God’s heart.

            We can imagine Naomi and Ruth getting to know each other at a deeper level during the walk back to Bethlehem and as they settle into Naomi’s old house. Soon after they get to Bethlehem Ruth announces that she is going to do something to keep them alive. She is going to take advantage of the harvest season by gleaning.

Gleaning was going through someone’s field and picking up what they had dropped or left behind. It was one of ancient Israel’s social safety nets for people in need. God’s law taught that landowners should only go over their fields or grapevines or olive trees once when they harvested. They shouldn’t work until they got every last morsel; instead the grapes and grain that they left behind were meant for the poor. In addition, landowners were not supposed to harvest the corners of their fields at all to leave something extra for the poor and for immigrants.

"Even in the Fire," 9/9/12

Daniel 1:1-7, 17-21

In the third year of the reign of King Jehoiakim of Judah, King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon came to Jerusalem and besieged it. ²The Lord let King Jehoiakim of Judah fall into his power, as well as some of the vessels of the house of God. These he brought to the land of Shinar, and placed the vessels in the treasury of his gods. ³Then the king commanded his palace master Ashpenaz to bring some of the Israelites of the royal family and of the nobility, ⁴young men without physical defect and handsome, versed in every branch of wisdom, endowed with knowledge and insight, and competent to serve in the king’s palace; they were to be taught the literature and language of the Chaldeans.

⁵The king assigned them a daily portion of the royal rations of food and wine. They were to be educated for three years, so that at the end of that time they could be stationed in the king’s court. ⁶Among them were Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah, from the tribe of Judah. ⁷The palace master gave them other names: Daniel he called Belteshazzar, Hananiah he called Shadrach, Mishael he called Meshach, and Azariah he called Abednego.

¹⁷To these four young men God gave knowledge and skill in every aspect of literature and wisdom; Daniel also had insight into all visions and dreams. ¹⁸At the end of the time that the king had set for them to be brought in, the palace master brought them into the presence of Nebuchadnezzar, ¹⁹and the king spoke with them. And among them all, no one was found to compare with Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah; therefore they were stationed in the king’s court. ²⁰In every matter of wisdom and understanding concerning which the king inquired of them, he found them ten times better than all the magicians and enchanters in his whole kingdom. ²¹And Daniel continued there until the first year of King Cyrus.

As we read this passage I’d like you to notice the humor. Notice also what gets repeated over and over, and what the author might be trying to tell us with that.

Daniel 3:1-28
King Nebuchadnezzar made a golden statue whose height was sixty cubits and whose width was six cubits; he set it up on the plain of Dura in the province of Babylon. ²Then King Nebuchadnezzar sent for the satraps, the prefects, and the governors, the counselors, the treasurers, the justices, the magistrates, and all the officials of the provinces to assemble and come to the dedication of the statue that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up.

³So the satraps, the prefects, and the governors, the counselors, the treasurers, the justices, the magistrates, and all the officials of the provinces, assembled for the dedication of the statue that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up. When they were standing before the statue that Nebuchadnezzar had set up, ⁴the herald proclaimed aloud, “You are commanded, O peoples, nations, and languages, ⁵that when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, drum, and entire musical ensemble, you are to fall down and worship the golden statue that King Nebuchadnezzar has set up.

⁶Whoever does not fall down and worship shall immediately be thrown into a furnace of blazing fire.” ⁷Therefore, as soon as all the peoples heard the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, drum, and entire musical ensemble, all the peoples, nations, and languages fell down and worshiped the golden statue that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up.

⁸Accordingly, at this time certain Chaldeans came forward and denounced the Jews. ⁹They said to King Nebuchadnezzar, “O king, live forever! ¹⁰You, O king, have made a decree, that everyone who hears the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, drum, and entire musical ensemble, shall fall down and worship the golden statue, ¹¹and whoever does not fall down and worship shall be thrown into a furnace of blazing fire. ¹²There are certain Jews whom you have appointed over the affairs of the province of Babylon: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. These pay no heed to you, O King. They do not serve your gods and they do not worship the golden statue that you have set up.”

¹³Then Nebuchadnezzar in furious rage commanded that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego be brought in; so they brought those men before the king. ¹⁴Nebuchadnezzar said to them, “Is it true, O Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods and you do not worship the golden statue that I have set up? ¹⁵Now if you are ready when you hear the sound of the horn, pipe, lyre, trigon, harp, drum, and entire musical ensemble to fall down and worship the statue that I have made, well and good. But if you do not worship, you shall immediately be thrown into a furnace of blazing fire, and who is the god that will deliver you out of my hands?”

¹⁶Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego answered the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to present a defense to you in this matter. ¹⁷If our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the furnace of blazing fire and out of your hand, O king, let him deliver us. ¹⁸But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods and we will not worship the golden statue that you have set up.”

¹⁹Then Nebuchadnezzar was so filled with rage against Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego that his face was distorted. He ordered the furnace heated up seven times more than was customary, ²⁰and ordered some of the strongest guards in his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and to throw them into the furnace of blazing fire. ²¹So the men were bound, still wearing their tunics, their trousers, their hats, and their other garments, and they were thrown into the furnace of blazing fire. ²²Because the king’s command was urgent and the furnace was so overheated, the raging flames killed the men who lifted Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. ²³But the three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, fell down, bound, into the furnace of blazing fire.

²⁴Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up quickly. He said to his counselors, “Was it not three men that we threw bound into the fire?” They answered the king, “True, O king.” ²⁵He replied, “But I see four men unbound, walking in the middle of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the fourth has the appearance of a god.” ²⁶Nebuchadnezzar then approached the door of the furnace of blazing fire and said, “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, servants of the Most High God, come out! Come here!”

So Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego came out from the fire. ²⁷And the satraps, the prefects, the governors, and the king’s counselors gathered together and saw that the fire had not had any power over the bodies of those men; the hair of their heads was not singed, their tunics were not harmed, and not even the smell of fire came from them.

²⁸Nebuchadnezzar said, “Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who has sent his angel and delivered his servants who trusted in him. They disobeyed the king’s command and yielded up their bodies rather than serve and worship any god except their own God.

---------------------------------

Last week we talked about God sending Israel and Judah into exile because the nation had lost its way and turned away from God. Different prophets emphasize different failings: the writer of 1 and 2 Kings emphasizes idolatry, Isaiah talks a lot about oppression of the poor. However you look at it, Israel and Judah had forgotten who they were supposed to be.

            Today’s passages remind us that even in exile, God is still with God’s people. We follow Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego as they find favor with the king and his officials. We also follow as those officials become jealous of these rising stars, partly because of their success and partly because they are different. That’s a story that repeats several times during the Book of Daniel and elsewhere in scripture. It’s also a story that’s familiar in our own time: difference is frightening and those who are insecure will often turn that fear into discrimination and oppression.

            In the context of Daniel and the exile, the question that the story asks is: what does it mean to be different? What does it God’s people in exile? What does it mean to be set apart by God’s calling? As God’s church, these questions are still important for us today.

            We finished the sermon last week with a letter from the Prophet Jeremiah encouraging the exiles to build full lives in Babylon, because God would be with them there. We see that attitude in action with Daniel and his friends. They took the exile and made the best of it. When they were offered the opportunity to be educated in Babylonian wisdom so they could serve in government, they took it. And they served with energy and enthusiasm, even though they were serving their captors.

           

            So the passage gives a resounding “yes” to the question of whether we can work with people who don’t share our faith.

At the same time as they served faithfully and well, they didn’t loose track of who they were; they didn’t forget God. They didn’t let success at work blind them to their first priority, which was belonging to God. So even though they knew it could cost their lives, they didn’t worship Nebuchadnezzar’s statue.