The light of Christ's truth, 12.15.13

1 John 1:5-10


5This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light and in him there is no darkness at all. 6If we say that we have fellowship with him while we are walking in darkness, we lie and do not do what is true; 7but if we walk in the light as he himself is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

8If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.


1 John 3:14-19

14We know that we have passed from death to life because we love one another. Whoever does not love abides in death. 15All who hate a brother or sister are murderers, and you know that murderers do not have eternal life abiding in them.

16We know love by this, that he laid down his life for us—and we ought to lay down our lives for one another.17How does God’s love abide in anyone who has the world’s goods and sees a brother or sister in need and yet refuses help? 18Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action. 19And by this we will know that we are from the truth and will reassure our hearts before him



John 1:14, 16-19

14And the Word became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory as of a father’s only son, full of grace and truth…16From his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. 17The law indeed was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. 18No one has ever seen God. It is God the only Son, who is close to the Father’s heart, who has made him known.


John 8:31-37

31Then Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, “If you continue in my word, you are truly my disciples; 32and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” 33They answered him, “We are descendants of Abraham and have never been slaves to anyone. What do you mean by saying, ‘You will be made free’?”

34Jesus answered them, “Very truly, I tell you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin.35The slave does not have a permanent place in the household; the son has a place there forever. 36So if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed. 37I know that you are descendants of Abraham; yet you look for an opportunity to kill me, because there is no place in you for my word.
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We’re talking about truth and falsehood, truth and lies today. As I was figuring this sermon series and the scripture lessons out, I was not quite sure if the darkness here would be ignorance or lies. The Bible talks a lot about wisdom and knowledge, so there’s no shortage of insight we could look for in terms of overcoming ignorance and coming to know God.


There are many things we don’t know. We don’t know how long the world is going to last. We don’t know why bad things happen to good people. We don’t know how long we are going to be alive. We don’t know how to cure cancer or Alzheimer’s Disease or HIV. There are lots of important areas where we need more knowledge to conquer our ignorance and make the world a better, brighter place.


There’s a difference between ignorance and lies. My mom taught me when I was a kid that what makes a lie a lie is that someone says it on purpose. There’s a bad intention at the heart of a lie. A little beyond where our last passage ends, Jesus calls Satan the father of lies and says lies are Satan’s native language. Lying isn’t just incorrect, it’s wrong in a moral sense too.


Lies aren’t just a problem in our individual relationships. There are also lies deep in the fabric of our national beliefs that distort our vision of the world. Sometimes we know these lies aren’t true on the surface, but we hear them so often that they seep into our consciousness and mess us up without our even knowing they are there. These kinds of lies are sometimes the most dangerous, because we don’t even realize we’re being deceived.


So today we’re going to look at a few of the big lies that distort our life in the light of Jesus. Jesus comes as light in the darkness, bringing the light of truth into a world darkened by Satan’s lies.


Lie: “We’ve got it all together.” This lie comes up in many different forms. The heart of it is that we are doing fine on our own. One way we see this lie at work is in our instinct to put our best foot forward in church. When people ask how we’re doing we say we’re doing fine. We keep conversations at a surface level because we don’t want people to see what our real struggles are.


This lie is especially tricky, because we usually know it’s not true. We don’t feel like we have it all together, but we think maybe, if we work hard enough at looking like we have it together we’ll get by. That means we stress and struggle to present the right appearance while we’re terrified our whole life will collapse or someone will figure out that we are not who we appear to be.


We imagine too that real sin is something outside. We think about murderers or famous people whose moral failings are obvious. Sometimes instead of that we think about the things we imagine we have no control of. We think about the fact that we don’t have enough time or money, and say to ourselves that those things keep us from being the people we feel like we should be.


Truth: “If we say we have no sin we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he who is faithful and just will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” We can’t be healed if we aren’t honest about our disease. We’ve got time each worship service to open up to God in silent prayer about where sin is tying us up. What do you ask God’s healing for? Are you keeping your relationship with God too safe? Are you just “confessing” things like, “I wish I had more time.” Or I’m sorry I said that word I shouldn’t have said.”


Are you really letting God into the places of your life where you need deep change? “God, I’m trapped by my need to be a good guy.” “Lord, I’m so caught up in having the right things and finding the right presents for my kids that I’m forgetting what your birth is really about.” “God, open my heart to the people I’m having trouble truly accepting as my brothers and sisters.” “Jesus, help me trust that you are real, that you really love me and that I can build my life on your teachings.” “I need your grace to free me from my guilt about the past.”


If we confess our sins, if we stop dancing around the edges of the real problems in our life and let God in, God will forgive us. Not only that, the blood of Jesus, the pure, loving sacrifice he made for us will cleanse us from all our sins and free us from what’s wrong with us. If we let him, Christ will change us, slowly maybe, but surely, more and more into his image.


Let’s shift gears a little bit; how about this lie: “Faith is what we believe. As long as we believe the right things, we’re OK with God.” A variation on this is when we struggle with our faith because we aren’t sure we believe the right things and we let that struggle distract us from what our faith calls us to do. Maybe you aren’t sure how much you “believe in” the Bible since it was written by humans so long ago. Or maybe the miracles Jesus did just seem so hard to believe that they block your engagement with the rest of the story. Or maybe you’re just not sure about heaven and hell. Because you’re not sure about those beliefs you can’t commit to following Jesus.


Truth: “We know that we have passed from death to life because we love one another. We know love by this, that he laid down his life for us—and we ought to lay down our lives for one another.”


The Christian faith is about love more than anything else. That means, first,you can struggle all you want with the beliefs of Christianity. Honestly, if you keep working on living your faith, putting your values in action, while you read or listen to scripture, those beliefs will either become clearer to you or they’ll become less important.


My biggest struggles with my faith were about biblical truth. I worried that I couldn’t be a Christian if I wasn’t sure about everything the Bible says. The more I focus on the heart of the gospel, which is God’s amazing love for us, the less I worry about the details of whether Jesus really fed 5000 people with loaves and fishes. Interestingly too, the more I read the Bible and practice my faith, the more I see that the Bible speaks the truth even if I don’t think everything necessarily happened the way the Bible tells it.


God’s word speaks truth about what love means. It tells how a community should work. It reminds us that God wants to bring the world back to wholeness and peace. Don’t let your questions about what the Bible says distract you from what you know scripture calls you to do. Honestly, it’s not that complicated: Love God, which basically means open yourself to the creator, higher power, savior, Spirit, and make those deep values the actual priority in your life instead of just a side note, and love other people in a real and meaningful way.


God shows us the best image of love in Jesus’ life and death for us. That doesn’t mean we’re called to act like martyrs, but it does mean we are called to sacrifice our comfort for others. The more we do that, the more we will find freedom and grace in community.


What we believe is important, but it’s always evolving. Where our faith really matters is in how we put it into action. The details are less important than the center. Do your actions, the day to day way you live your life, reflect that love is the center of the universe? Take one step closer to that goal today and another tomorrow.


Lie: “I’ve got to get mine/I worked hard for what I have. So people who don’t have much need to work harder.” There are lots of variations on this one, but the basic idea is that our economic success is what gives us value or shows our value. Related to this is the idea that hard work is how we succeed and get ahead in the world. Like most deeply destructive lies, this one has some truth to it. Hard work is important and good, but there are people who work harder than you do who are much less successful.


Also related to this lie are other lies about how our society values people. One lie is that our society is a level playing field. In fact, prejudice and injustice are still alive and well. Women are paid less for the same job as men. Racial and ethnic minorities face serious barriers to success that white people don’t even have to think about. The people at the top in society make the rules, and those rules almost always benefit the people who make them.


Truth: “How does God’s love abide in anyone who has the world’s goods and sees a brother or sister in need and yet refuses help? Little children, let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action.” It sometimes seems easier to just go along with the rules of the world that we have learned. It’s easier to let prejudice slide or allow the unpopular people to be bullied or ignored. The powers in the world we see are too strong, so it’s easier to just go along to get along.


The truth is that God loves all of us. Each of us is equal in God’s sight and at the same time, there is a special place in God’s heart for the poor and oppressed. That’s a big part of the story of Christmas. God didn’t choose a palace or a wealthy family for Jesus’ birth. Instead, the Lord of creation was born to poor parents in a stable. The truth of the gospel is that God sees the world differently than we do. God sees each of us truly, no matter what lies we tell others or even ourselves. God loves each of us and wants us to repent and be free from the lies that keep us enslaved to the world’s injustice, hatred, prejudice and fear.


God calls us to put our love and faith in action by reaching out to others. We’ve got some great opportunities to do that with our angel tree and Christmas baskets. We can also do that by supporting our work with Cameron and by supporting the work of the church as a whole. Laurelton is not the most efficient charity in the world, but we are a place where people can come together from different backgrounds to form real community. That community needs resources to function and we can all be a part of that.


Amidst all the lies that we tell ourselves and that our culture tells us, Jesus breaks in as light in the darkness. He says as we continue to follow him, “You will know the truth and the truth will make you free.” As we break free from the chains of false expectations and false demands, we step into the truth of loving community and a world being made whole by God’s amazing love. This Advent we prepare for the coming of God’s perfect love in the form of a baby. So with trust and honesty, let us make space in our hearts to welcome the Christ child.


Thanks be to God.

Job, suffering, faith and truth, 10.20.13

Job 3:1-7, 10-11, 20-22

After this Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth. ²Job said: ³“Let the day perish in which I was born, and the night that said, ‘A man-child is conceived.’ ⁴Let that day be darkness! May God above not seek it, or light shine on it. ⁵Let gloom and deep darkness claim it. Let clouds settle upon it; let the blackness of the day terrify it. ⁶That night—let thick darkness seize it! let it not rejoice among the days of the year; let it not come into the number of the months. ⁷Yes, let that night be barren; let no joyful cry be heard in it… ¹⁰because it did not shut the doors of my mother’s womb, and hide trouble from my eyes.

¹¹“Why did I not die at birth, come forth from the womb and expire?... ²⁰“Why is light given to one in misery, and life to the bitter in soul, ²¹who long for death, but it does not come, and dig for it more than for hidden treasures; ²²who rejoice exceedingly, and are glad when they find the grave?

Job 4:1-11, 5:12-19

Then Eliphaz the Temanite answered: ²“If one ventures a word with you, will you be offended? But who can keep from speaking? ³See, you have instructed many; you have strengthened the weak hands. ⁴Your words have supported those who were stumbling, and you have made firm the feeble knees. ⁵But now it has come to you, and you are impatient; it touches you, and you are dismayed. ⁶Is not your fear of God your confidence, and the integrity of your ways your hope?

⁷“Think now, who that was innocent ever perished? Or where were the upright cut off? ⁸As I have seen, those who plow iniquity and sow trouble reap the same. ⁹By the breath of God they perish, and by the blast of his anger they are consumed. ¹⁴They meet with darkness in the daytime, and grope at noonday as in the night. ¹⁵But he saves the needy from the sword of their mouth, from the hand of the mighty. ¹⁶So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts its mouth.

¹⁷“How happy is the one whom God reproves; therefore do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. ¹⁸For he wounds, but he binds up; he strikes, but his hands heal. ¹⁹He will deliver you from six troubles; in seven no harm shall touch you.

Job 21:1-14

Then Job answered: ²“Listen carefully to my words, and let this be your consolation. ³Bear with me, and I will speak; then after I have spoken, mock on. ⁴As for me, is my complaint addressed to mortals? Why should I not be impatient? ⁵Look at me, and be appalled, and lay your hand upon your mouth. ⁶When I think of it I am dismayed, and shuddering seizes my flesh.

⁷Why do the wicked live on, reach old age, and grow mighty in power? ⁸Their children are established in their presence, and their offspring before their eyes. ⁹Their houses are safe from fear, and no rod of God is upon them. ¹⁰Their bull breeds without fail; their cow calves and never miscarries. ¹¹They send out their little ones like a flock, and their children dance around. ¹²They sing to the tambourine and the lyre, and rejoice to the sound of the pipe. ¹³They spend their days in prosperity, and in peace they go down to Sheol.

¹⁴They say to God, ‘Leave us alone! We do not desire to know your ways. ¹⁵What is the Almighty, that we should serve him? And what profit do we get if we pray to him?’ ¹⁶Is not their prosperity indeed their own achievement? The plans of the wicked are repugnant to me.

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            Job is a challenging and wonderful book. It’s got a beginning and an end to tell the story and the rest of the book is basically poetry. The different characters argue with each other, or rather, Job’s friends argue with him. They come to comfort him, but they can’t take the raw emotion of Job’s grief and they worry that his claims of injustice go against God.

            Religion taught that good people were rewarded and bad people were punished. We still generally think that in some way. We may call it Karma or say “what goes around, comes around,” but some part of us wants to believe that good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. It’s not just a religious belief, but a cultural one as well. We know it’s not true all the time, but we still want to believe it will all get sorted out correctly in the end.

            Job and his friends all make good points. They all make good points that echo other parts of the Bible and resonate with our own experience. I remember the first time I really read Job was in college. I wrote down a quote from almost every page. There’s some really wise stuff being said in this book and powerful poetry to go with it.

            That’s the irony of the book: each speaker makes good points, but they never come to an understanding. That’s the irony of suffering in general and why it’s so difficult for us to deal with. It just doesn’t make sense. We can’t understand it; we feel like serious, innocent suffering makes a mockery of everything holy we want to believe in.

            People of every religious background and level of commitment get hung up on this question. How can God be all-powerful and loving and still allow such terrible suffering? It doesn’t make sense; we can’t wrap our heads around it.

            So we try to figure it out. We come up with explanations like Job’s friends. Maybe your kids sinned, so God punished them. Maybe God is using this experience to lead you away from sin and make you even better. Maybe it’s a test of your faith. Maybe you’re not as innocent as you claim to be, after all, everyone sins. Everything happens for a reason.

            There’s truth in all the discussion. Scripture often talks about how God’s correction and discipline leads us to greater faithfulness. And we know the best of us still fall short sometimes. Job’s friends have their heart in the right place. The first seven days they spent with him they simply sat with him in silence to comfort him. Even in our second passage, when Eliphaz responds to Job for the first time, we can see that he wants to be encouraging and comforting. He tries to be gentle, but he’s also afraid.

            He’s afraid because grief as powerful as Job’s is hard to face. Job is in such despair he not only wishes he were dead, he wishes he had never been born and wants to erase his birthday from the universe. It’s hard to face raw emotion like that. More than that, Job’s deep suffering threatens the theological order of the universe. There are a few questions like that, questions that have the potential to shatter our understanding of the world or God or faith. Questions like why is there suffering? Is God real? Is the Bible true? These questions shake the foundations of our world, so we turn away from them.

It’s much easier to face the world with certainty. It’s much easier to get up in the morning if we understand the basic rules. For Job’s friends one important rule of the world was that living a righteous life led to success. And that rule had been working really well for Job too; he was very righteous and very successful. He was someone a parent could point to and tell their children, “If you follow God’s commandments and treat other people with justice, God will take care of you like he takes care of Job.”

            So when all that falls apart; when Job’s world collapses, what is the parent supposed to tell the child? What are the friends supposed to tell themselves? It’s much easier to look for a reason for Job’s suffering; so Job’s friends keep looking for a fault in Job with increasing desperation. Without a reason for Job’s suffering they are faced with a world that doesn’t make sense.

Job refuses to accept those answers. He says, “Look at me and be appalled.” He is exhibit A. As much as his friends want Job’s suffering to make sense, he hasn’t gone off the path of God’s commandments. The narrator confirms it too; right from the beginning we’re told that there was no one as righteous as Job. Even God lifts up Job as an example of what a human should be.

            Now, of course, in real life Job’s claim is dangerous because none of us is perfect. And Job’s friends are on to something: the first thing we should take a look at when things go wrong for us is how we might be contributing to the problem. But the truth of Job’s complaint is inescapable too; sometimes terrible things happen to people for no good reason. Sometimes suffering is simply unfair, unjust and incomprehensible.

            Too often the wicked do prosper. We see so many examples of people getting ahead by cutting corners or taking advantage of other people that it doesn’t even surprise us anymore. We see companies profit by destroying the environment. We see corrupt leaders who live out a comfortable retirement even when they are removed from power.

            Too often the innocent suffer. Ask the mother whose two year old was killed by a random bullet through the window. Ask the children starving in the mountains of Syria or the toddlers growing weak from malaria in South Sudan. Too often the innocent suffer, and too often the wicked thrive. The easy answers don’t do justice to the heartrending facts.

            So what are we supposed to do with all that? Honestly, I don’t have a great answer, at least as far as airtight logic goes. We can sympathize with Job’s friends who try so desperately to uphold the rules of religion as they have been taught. They are afraid of offending God, so they argue on God’s behalf, defending God’s justice. They are also afraid of the possibility Job’s suffering represents, afraid that if the rules they trust of reward and punishment aren’t really true, then maybe the whole foundation of their life is false too.

            That fear leads to rigid faith. It leads to a fear that if we allow any questioning of our core beliefs, we will lose everything. It’s a fear of looking closely at the world because we’re afraid what we will see is not what our religion tells us should be there.

On the other hand, we can imagine a universe ruled only by the laws of physics and biology but no moral law. We can imagine a universe where evil goes unpunished and good goes unrewarded. There’s a logical appeal to that too because then what we see is what we get. There are no mysterious forces at work and no ruler at all; we’re on our own. That view can easily lead to cynicism, resigning ourselves to the worst possible view of the world to protect ourselves from disappointment. We can give up our sense that the world should be better.

            The trouble is those theories don’t do justice to the moral light we know is in us. We can’t prove it, but we feel deep down the desire to do good. We feel better when we help each other than when we hurt each other. We have a sense of right and wrong at our core, and our instinct tells us that moral intelligence reflects our creator. When we read in scripture that God is love, it strikes a chord in our soul; it makes sense to us. We long for it to be true and it is. We see that love in the goodness of creation at the beginning, and in the full redemption of the world promised at the end. We see God’s love especially in the amazing, grace-filled ministry of Jesus and in his courageous, innocent death on the cross.

            Instead of being rigid in his faith and refusing the evidence or being cynical about the world and giving up faith’s power, Job takes a brave middle way. He sees the world as it is, but also as it should be. He proclaims that what is happening isn’t right. He calls out for justice and refuses to be silenced even by his friends telling him he is wrong.

            Job wrestles with the painful uncertainty of not understanding. He doesn’t resolve the tension by letting go of his faith or his grasp of the truth. He doesn’t understand why these terrible things have happened to him, but he knows they are. He refuses to adjust his sense of reality to religious teaching to make things clearer. Instead he demands truth and justice from God.

            He holds on to his faith and to his sense of right and wrong. Even as voices his rage about the wicked at peace, he goes on to say that the way of the wicked is repugnant to him. Even if it does work, even if evil isn’t punished and good doesn’t profit Job, he holds on to good and turns away from evil. Whatever happens, he knows God calls him to be righteous. That’s who he is; that’s the character he has build on a foundation of faith. It’s not the rigid foundation that needs to be right and fit reality to it’s vision. It’s not a soft foundation that goes along with whatever is going on, right or wrong. Instead it’s a firm foundation flexible enough to absorb that the world is not always what it should be, but solid enough to push away from cynicism or relativism.

            Job’s courage is a model we need now. It’s the courage to face the world without having all the answers. It’s the courage to hold on to faith and to hold on to truth. It’s the courage to speak out against injustice even without having all the answers. Job’s courage doesn’t free him from trouble, and our courage won’t either, but it will allow us to face trouble with integrity and to stay faithful even when the way isn’t clear. That’s a courage we need today and always.

Thanks be to God.

           

telling the truth, 5.12.13

Colossians 3:12-17

¹²As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. ¹³Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. ¹⁴Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

¹⁵And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in the one body. And be thankful. ¹⁶Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish one another in all wisdom; and with gratitude in your hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God. ¹⁷And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

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Before we dig into our second reading let’s review King David’s story. Starting from the beginning, what are some important events in King David’s life?

-Goliath

-Rise to power

-conflict with Saul

-becomes king

-Bathsheba

-Amnon and Tamar

-Absalom and Amnon

-Absalom’s exile and return

The text never tells us why, but soon after his return to Jerusalem Absalom started thinking a lot about his own power. It started small, but certainly not harmlessly. Absalom recruited an entourage to show he was important. Then he started spending time at the city gate, which is where the elders of the city and other people went to talk about important things. In many ways that was the court in those days. People went to the gate to settle contracts and to seek justice when they were having trouble.

Absalom didn’t go to the city gates to help his father or to find out how things were going. Instead, when someone came to Jerusalem with a problem Absalom would tell them that their complaint was right, but that there wasn’t anyone in David’s administration who would listen to it. Then he would go on to say how much he wanted to help people get justice. Little by little, Absalom built up a following, all the while keeping the problems from ever making their way to David’s ears.

Finally, when he felt he had enough people following him, he went to Hebron, where David had first been crowned, and had himself declared king. Surprisingly, David panicked and abandoned Jerusalem with his leaders. Many others followed him as well.

Absalom took over the city of Jerusalem and plotted his next move. Meanwhile, David and his followers mourned and worried. Then they got ready for the battle. David was not going to give up the throne, so they needed to fight. David split his forces into three groups, each led by trusted leaders. Joab, David’s chief general led one group. David’s commanders convinced David not to go into battle himself and he sent them out begging them to be kind to Absalom.

Of course, battle is a hard place to be kind. I’m not a parent, but the biggest flaw David has shown so far in his parenting is not stepping in when his kids are doing the wrong thing. He didn’t do anything when Amnon raped Tamar, so Absalom felt like he had to be the one to execute justice. Then, as Absalom was building his power base, David ignored that problem too. At this point in the story, I think it’s too late to be kind.

Joab thinks so too. Joab is a favorite character of mine in the story of King David. He is fiercely loyal to King David. He is a brilliant strategist and ruthless realist. He is also ruthless about looking after his own interests. At two other points in the story David tries to appoint another commander in chief of the army and both times Joab kills them. I’m not going to hold Joab up as a moral example in any way, but he is loyal to David.

In this case, even though he has heard the King’s command to be gentle with Absalom, Joab does what he think needs to be done. One of his men discovers Absalom hanging from a tree by his hair. Joab and his closest followers kill him and bury him in a pile of rocks. Then Joab blows the trumpet to signal that the battle is over and sends a runner to bring the good news to King David.

The runner announces to David that the battle is won, but all David wants to know is whether Absalom is safe. The messenger says, “May the Lord grant that all the enemies of my lord the king be like that young man.” David leaves the command post to go to his room weeping for the life of his son. That’s where our story for today picks up:

1 Kings 19:1-8

It was told Joab, “The king is weeping and mourning for Absalom.” ²So the victory that day was turned into mourning for all the troops; for the troops heard that day, “The king is grieving for his son.” ³The troops stole into the city that day as soldiers steal in who are ashamed when they flee in battle. ⁴The king covered his face, and the king cried with a loud voice, “O my son Absalom, O Absalom, my son, my son!”

⁵Then Joab came into the house to the king, and said, “Today you have covered with shame the faces of all your officers who have saved your life today, and the lives of your sons and your daughters, and the lives of your wives and your concubines, ⁶for love of those who hate you and for hatred of those who love you. You have made it clear today that commanders and officers are nothing to you; for I perceive that if Absalom were alive and all of us were dead today, then you would be pleased.

⁷So go out at once and speak kindly to your servants; for I swear by the Lord, if you do not go, not a man will stay with you this night; and this will be worse for you than any disaster that has come upon you from your youth until now.” ⁸Then the king got up and took his seat in the gate. The troops were all told, “See, the king is sitting in the gate”; and all the troops came before the king. Meanwhile, all the Israelites had fled to their homes.

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            I think we can identify with David’s grief. Too many parents know the pain of a child’s death. It’s hard to imagine what it would be like if that child died in battle against the parent. David has lost his son. In the terrible tension of waiting for the battle to be over he must have thought about the possibilities. He must have tortured himself with the should haves and would haves, with reexamining his actions and imagining what he could have done differently to avoid the horrible situation he’s in now.

            David was a great battle commander himself, so the logical part of his mind knows that this can really only end two ways. His troops can lose the battle and Absalom will be king or his troops can win and Absalom will probably die. He knows that, but in his heart he still holds out hope that everything can miraculously turn out right. Maybe somehow he can win without Absalom dying. Maybe somehow he and his son can be reconciled and their mistakes won’t have to be the end of their story together.

            Kings are human, and they feel grief like anyone else. But kings and other leaders often have to put their feelings aside. One of the hardest thing about power is that when it is used right it is much more obligation than privilege. David’s first duty here is to his soldiers and followers, to those who have stayed loyal to him in the hardship of rebellion and flight. David is usually a natural leader with an instinct for doing the right thing. In this case, his grief and guilt make him forget his duty. All he can think about is his dead son.

            So now David’s soldiers who have stood by him feel abandoned. Instead of celebrating and giving thanks for a hard victory, they sneak back home ashamed. They have done everything right; they’ve stood by their king when it would have been easier to stay home, but when they see their king’s grief all they can do is feel bad about what they have done.

            There aren’t many men who would dare to approach David in his grief. It’s easier to give him the space he so obviously wants. But Joab is a loyal commander and friend. He sees the danger in David’s situation and he goes to save him. Joab knows that the rebellion, the flight and the battle have been hard for the army as well as for David. He knows that they need praise and encouragement, that the men need to be reassured that their courage and sacrifice and suffering has not been for nothing. They need their king’s gratitude and support. The king has to put the duties of command, the duties of royalty ahead of his personal grief.

            So Joab goes and he tells David the truth. He knows David doesn’t want to hear it. He knows David wants to be alone to wallow in his grief, but Joab knows what he needs to do. David needs to know the truth so he can live up to his calling even when he doesn’t want to. That’s what true friends do; they tell us the truth even when they don’t want to and even when they know we don’t want to hear it. They tell us the truth and they keep loving us.

            Deep, faithful, challenging relationships are at the heart of what it means to be a church. Faith in Christ starts with knowing that we are sinners and we need to change our lives. It starts with knowing we can’t do it on our own, that we need Jesus to save us from our selfish ways.

            Once we start the path of discipleship we still need help. We need a community to support us and build us up when we’re having a hard time. We also need the honest, loving accountability of people who care about us too much to watch us take the wrong path. To be the best disciples we can be, we need a community with the kind of hard, loving honesty that Joab gives David.

            That’s what Paul means when he writes: “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly; teach and admonish each other in all wisdom…” Admonish each other. That means tell your brother when he’s doing the wrong thing. Warn your sister when she’s heading down the wrong path. Don’t just pray for your friend from a distance, let them know that you’re worried about the choices they are making.

            Our culture is weak on relationships. Most of our relationships are very surface level and we have all but lost the art of constructive criticism. We’re great at blasting people from a distance. We excel at sarcastic digs behind people’s backs. We’re skilled at saying we’re fine or telling a coworker their work is good while silently steaming because we will have to redo it.